Hello to my blog readers.
In the following I shall try to explain to me and to you my readers what triggered my interest in FLR. Till that point in time submision was a fantasy. Something that I secluded from my wife. There was one world - with internet and dominant women and there was my wife who was dominant but I did my best to be equal to. Yes I was afraid of her, I am now! I would find myself begging, pleading, trying to make her happy and then fail. But we were fighting! We were fighting like dogs because in the real world - I wouldn't surrender to her! I would fight back.
But things has escalated and as if god needed to break something - to make us pass some barrier and be confronted with what we are.
It happend on sathurday morning. She woke up angry, bad mood, I got mad because with no fault on my side - she was mad. She was sitting in the living room folding the laundry and watching TV. The day before I worked very hard on cleaning the house and here she was throwing her stuff here and there. I got furious. We had a fight. She took my clothes, marched to the porch and threw them to the street, came back and sat down. I took her clothes, went to the porch, threw them down the street and when I turn to go back into the living room she was closing the doors on me trying to leave me outside. I struggled and 'won' - if I was one second late - I would be locked outside with only my underpants on me. I couldn't stand the humiliation. The thought that she let me go out and when I was busy throwing her stuff she would lock me outside. If this would happend I thought at that time that I wouldn't have a chance but to break the glass, to avoid her winning me. That's what I thought back then. It just confronted me with real humiliation, with real helplessness in real world. I was submissive inside, but wouldn't give up to her, wouldn't let her humiliate me. What followed was less important... she hit me furiously, until she couldn't breath, I just stood there and let her do it, she was after me, she was so furious, she bite me and till now, months after the incident, I still have this tattoo on my arm.
Sathurday we sat in a restaurant, tried to talk. She started saying something about my 'long' nose. 'Don't look at me with this stupid puzzled look'... she was humiliating me but out of anger. And I resisted, still resisted something that was aching inside of me. 'Why are you doing this? It's humiliating' to which she replied 'I humiliate you as a way of releasing my anger and frustration on you'. It was then that I started figuring out what was going on. She continued 'And I hate the things I do to you out of anger...' and 'I don't want a husband that I can humiliate, I want an equal partner, a man, not a child...'. It was then that it clicked. She's saying just the opposite, she's in pain because she's confronting with some deep deep truth inside her!!! She's agressive, she's dominant, she humiliates, she prefers to have me like a kid, she loves that but she doesn't say it - it's not moral - it's her brain that doesn't let her understand what she was doing. She needs it, probably.
But then what about me... I think I masturbated maybe 20 times since thinking over and over about me being locked outside in the porch. And me not breaking the glass because it can be solved without financial damage... If I beg her then she let me in. But she just sits there inside watching TV and ignoring me. And I am just standing there, knocking, begging, but if I interrupt her too much, she approaches the window and tells me that if I want in then I will have to be quiet for sometime and then she may consider letting me in. This tought was sooo erotic. U know with her finger on her lips indicating me to Shh and be a good boy. Or if I annoy her too much then she just go to that big glass window and move the curtains such that I can't see what's inside the house. I am completely locked. I try to look beneath and I see her legs while she watches TV. And then I look and she's gone. Maybe she went inside to have a nice bath... to relax knowing all that time that I am locked helpless at her mercy outside. Then maybe I will look down - it's a 5'th floor and see her take the car and drive away. She did it once!!!! She locked me once for real years ago so it wasn't that far fetched. And then maybe she comes back after hours and demand that I kneel on all fours if I want to get in... These thought drove me wild... I then realized that the dom that I was looking for - well maybe she's hidden right in front of my eyes.
I then searched the internet, discovered FLR, read elisde sutton recommendations saying that every woman is dominant and then I said to myself - my wife is closer to this than others, but it's so deep inside her, she resents it, she fights it, she's not aware. But maybe I can lure this, maybe I can slowly but surely make her my Mistress.
So far I failed, but now at least you see my motivation.
What do you think? Do I have a chance?
Dominated By Wife.
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