יום ראשון, 20 ביולי 2008

her new restaurant and my little rebel

Hi all,

Wife is opening her new restaurant today. We had an intensive weekend preparing for it. Painting walls, chairs, tables, moving things, throwing garbage, bringing stuff, taking care of the little details. She's fully dedicated, almost 24x7 at the place, no husband, no FLR, and she's right.

I have my fears, I have my doubts, I try not to know much, I don't know how much we paid for it, I do not intervene in her choice of the staff, the menu, the less I know the better I feel. I just can't confront with mistakes because it is then that I try to correct them and it brings out my dominant part.

For example - at one point she said - well maybe we won't open on sunday. I mean this is suicide... a regular comes, finds a closed restaurant and go elsewhere and stays there. I just can't afford it. So I told her my opinion and she understood.

But I did more - way more - I crossed the lines and delibertly as if to check what could be the dynamic of our relations if we were equal. And boy did I learn my lesson. I came to the restaurant to find her sitting, resting with tons of work ahead. I decided right then to be in charge... to drive things, just like I do in the office, and she felt less and less comfortable. It was not that I was only commanding but I was also whining and making stupid jokes... everything wrong and in purpose. It didn't take much for her to shout at me to leave right now. I looked at her - I knew that if I am gone she wouldn't make it to the dead line, she had no reasoning! She's suicidal when she's furious. I need to take responsibility. It was easy to go back into slave mode - the new and successfull dynamics. It was easy because she doesn't have a long history of fights lately so she could be nice. I left her there and when I came back she was ok - she was calm and I apologized and promissed to be a good boy.

It's so much better to be in slave mode.

Now if you guys are reading this, just wish her luck, please,... you can drop a line, you can pray in your heart. I really want her to succeed. Right now it's a losing business, but she's an optimistic, confident, great communication skills, dominant - she has a good chance. Please bless us.


יום שבת, 12 ביולי 2008

well - initial FLR signs in the bedroom

Hello my dear readers,

Looks like only good things happend in the last couple days. I am on a family vacation arranged by my work place.

First my wife cancelled the flight that I arranged for her and joined our 5 hour ride. We laughed so hard that she pissed in the pants. Ah a good laugh is something.

Ealier I translated for her an answer for a woman in a similar position. It was a long answer but I translated it word by word. She connected... The fact that other woman explains things did magic. I am refering of course to the new SMTR forum - She makes the rules. So now she knows that FLR is not necessarily about spanking and it can be anything - it's HER way of doing it. And she also discussed with me some more and learned.

The first evening of the vacation was spent together with all the company guests on the beach and it was awsome. She was sitting there comfortably on a chair while I was sitting on the sands massaging her legs. I of course didn't kiss it in public but people that passed by could sense that I am at her feet, I actually wanted them, I felt so good about it. And if not by her side then with the kids, taking care of their food, or getting her drinks. And when we were standing in the 'cocktail' party - I was 0.5 meter to her right and behind. So good!!!

Later that night in the bedroom I suggested to 'do her good' orally and she agreed. It was 'May I climb the bed'? - 'No you may not'. It's me directing just to let her see the possibilities... And after she came she decided not to allow me to cum today. She said that if I be a good boy tomorrow then she may.

I was so good the next day... - feed forward to the night - nothing happend... :-) But the norning after it was a tease and denial little game which I screwed at some point. I don't think she feels the power rush like other ladies are reporting but I know she likes to see me cum.

Now it's almost mid day and we are lying lazy in bed, me in our bed, she in the living room... - what a nice, 'wasted' vacation.


יום שני, 7 ביולי 2008

She said she start to see the benefits

Yesterday I came home and started loading her car with restaurant equipment. She ofcourse joined me - told me to take this and put there, and do that but since she doesn't yet feel comfortable with just commanding - she helped me with this work.

Back home I started cleaning. It is then that she asked if it's ok that I continue cleaning the house while she work on the computer on the menus of her new restaurant. So I laughed and told her that it's just ridiculous that a queen should clean her house. Do you think Queen Elizabeth cleans all of the rooms in her palace? So while she was sitting there working, I was running from room to room, cleaning, arranging, sweating. Turned on the cleaning robot to wash the floors and continued with other tasks.

Then I asked her if there's any thing else that I should do. She was laughing... a little embarrased and told me it would be nice if I go and buy some milk, cheese, bread and choco. And so I did.

We have a clothes drying machine that continues drying the clothes and never stops - should be fixed sometime. So if I forget then the clothes are very very hot. I took the clothes to the living room. Knelt by her side while she was at the computer and put those warm clothes on her legs, shoulders - she sad it feels soooo good and that she is so spoiled. So I kissed her leg. Then I looked up at her while she was working. I looked up very humbly and it felt so good.

Later that evening she said she is to shy to admit but she starts to see and enjoy the benefits. I told her that this is the most beautiful sentence and that it makes me so happy. I then told her with almost tears how much I need to serve her.

We are going on a weekend to Eilat which is located 360 Km away. I will take the kids with the car - it's a 5 hours drive - and she asked if she could join later because she needs thursday for more arrangements for the restaurant. I ordered her flying tickets. A princess shouldn't go by bus for 5 hours. She should take a short flight and I only wish I could be kneeling at the door of the airplane when she's out.

OMG - it's... getting - better.


יום רביעי, 2 ביולי 2008

June Summary

June was a "weak" month,

I asked her why she doesn't want to have sex with me. Why she doesn't really enjoy pleasuring her orally. She said she was not feeling good with her body. I asked for an explanation in 'she makes the rules' forum and was adviced by the ladies there that she really need to feel good about her body and that I have to pesuade her that she is beautiful. And I did just that. For our anniversary I convinced her that the best present shall be if she buys some clothes. She refused initially but then she understood that it's gonna be good for both of us because she will look lovely and I will feel good because she feels good. So we went to an expensive store and I found myself sitting there waiting like a good hubby should. She bought lovely purple shirts... and she really looks great now, and with my flattering she felt beautiful than ever and is using this shirt. I was delighted.

But still no... sex. She is now opening a new restaurant. It means tons of things to take care of. I don't want to be yet another item in her list. On the contrary - I told her that if she needs anything, anything at all, just wink and I will take a day off, help her, paint, and do whatever she wants.

I told her a little about other couples and their FLRs. It's too shocking for her - she just can't grasp the dynamics of a husband who is dying to be treated like a little boy and being belted. I told her that this is it - and tried to explain to her how fulfilling this experience should be for a sub. I then told her how good it should be for her to be a queen, to be spoiled, and pampered... She is.. trying to understand but not yet.

Anyway my focus this month moved from her to other web based fantasies. I admit. I need it and I don't want to overload her with my need so I look somewhere else in the fantasy world.

I guess this is it for now,


יום שני, 2 ביוני 2008

What triggered my FLR endeavour

Hello to my blog readers.

In the following I shall try to explain to me and to you my readers what triggered my interest in FLR. Till that point in time submision was a fantasy. Something that I secluded from my wife. There was one world - with internet and dominant women and there was my wife who was dominant but I did my best to be equal to. Yes I was afraid of her, I am now! I would find myself begging, pleading, trying to make her happy and then fail. But we were fighting! We were fighting like dogs because in the real world - I wouldn't surrender to her! I would fight back.

But things has escalated and as if god needed to break something - to make us pass some barrier and be confronted with what we are.

It happend on sathurday morning. She woke up angry, bad mood, I got mad because with no fault on my side - she was mad. She was sitting in the living room folding the laundry and watching TV. The day before I worked very hard on cleaning the house and here she was throwing her stuff here and there. I got furious. We had a fight. She took my clothes, marched to the porch and threw them to the street, came back and sat down. I took her clothes, went to the porch, threw them down the street and when I turn to go back into the living room she was closing the doors on me trying to leave me outside. I struggled and 'won' - if I was one second late - I would be locked outside with only my underpants on me. I couldn't stand the humiliation. The thought that she let me go out and when I was busy throwing her stuff she would lock me outside. If this would happend I thought at that time that I wouldn't have a chance but to break the glass, to avoid her winning me. That's what I thought back then. It just confronted me with real humiliation, with real helplessness in real world. I was submissive inside, but wouldn't give up to her, wouldn't let her humiliate me. What followed was less important... she hit me furiously, until she couldn't breath, I just stood there and let her do it, she was after me, she was so furious, she bite me and till now, months after the incident, I still have this tattoo on my arm.

Sathurday we sat in a restaurant, tried to talk. She started saying something about my 'long' nose. 'Don't look at me with this stupid puzzled look'... she was humiliating me but out of anger. And I resisted, still resisted something that was aching inside of me. 'Why are you doing this? It's humiliating' to which she replied 'I humiliate you as a way of releasing my anger and frustration on you'. It was then that I started figuring out what was going on. She continued 'And I hate the things I do to you out of anger...' and 'I don't want a husband that I can humiliate, I want an equal partner, a man, not a child...'. It was then that it clicked. She's saying just the opposite, she's in pain because she's confronting with some deep deep truth inside her!!! She's agressive, she's dominant, she humiliates, she prefers to have me like a kid, she loves that but she doesn't say it - it's not moral - it's her brain that doesn't let her understand what she was doing. She needs it, probably.

But then what about me... I think I masturbated maybe 20 times since thinking over and over about me being locked outside in the porch. And me not breaking the glass because it can be solved without financial damage... If I beg her then she let me in. But she just sits there inside watching TV and ignoring me. And I am just standing there, knocking, begging, but if I interrupt her too much, she approaches the window and tells me that if I want in then I will have to be quiet for sometime and then she may consider letting me in. This tought was sooo erotic. U know with her finger on her lips indicating me to Shh and be a good boy. Or if I annoy her too much then she just go to that big glass window and move the curtains such that I can't see what's inside the house. I am completely locked. I try to look beneath and I see her legs while she watches TV. And then I look and she's gone. Maybe she went inside to have a nice bath... to relax knowing all that time that I am locked helpless at her mercy outside. Then maybe I will look down - it's a 5'th floor and see her take the car and drive away. She did it once!!!! She locked me once for real years ago so it wasn't that far fetched. And then maybe she comes back after hours and demand that I kneel on all fours if I want to get in... These thought drove me wild... I then realized that the dom that I was looking for - well maybe she's hidden right in front of my eyes.

I then searched the internet, discovered FLR, read elisde sutton recommendations saying that every woman is dominant and then I said to myself - my wife is closer to this than others, but it's so deep inside her, she resents it, she fights it, she's not aware. But maybe I can lure this, maybe I can slowly but surely make her my Mistress.

So far I failed, but now at least you see my motivation.

What do you think? Do I have a chance?

Dominated By Wife.

יום חמישי, 8 במאי 2008

I pushed it too much

Yesterday I decided to show my wife a video clip of Bojana who owns a slave 24/7. I showed her this

She was disgusted to say the least! She was angry and she hurt me!

She now connected all the dots and told me if this is where I am leading her then no way. She doesn't want to see me on my knees, she can't tolerate humiliation, she wants a man at her side, someone who say 'yes' and also 'no' - a partner.

Our conversation was as always - she = angry, me = apologizing, humble, trying to explain... - the dom-bitch relation that we always had. It's just that when it becomes graphic - it's her limit. She despise it. I was shocked at her reaction - I thought she understood and was aware but I then discovered that she didn't really like it when I wash her legs, kneeling in front of her. While it's fun to have the feet washed - she was having me on my knees just for my pleasure - not hers... I was exaggerating!

I told her that she got it all wrong. Our 'new' relationship is all about her. If she doesn't feel comfortable with having me kneeling then no kneeling. She needs to understand that my pleasure is when she's pleasured and if it's not something that she wants then no. She was understanding.

Still - I think I understand now that I won't get from this relationship the humiliation that I need. And I wonder where this relationship is heading.

Time will tell.

יום חמישי, 1 במאי 2008

I want you to know a secret...

Thursday we went to the beach on sunset. We sat there alone and I started explaning her my view of what female domination is. She was very cooperative. She listened and asked questions. I decided I shall introduce her to this world very gradually - I decided to show her 12 pictures and I chosed them carefully. No caning, no OTK, few as possible collars and whips. Just wanted her to see how humble and subservient men can be. She confirmed that she understands what I am talking about. Here are the pics...